The Old Muds

By Troy Morash

Old Mother Mud was washing the dishes one day in the old kitchen sink, and as she washed away all the dirt she sang a song. It was a wonderfully sunny day. The birds were braver than usual and came right up to the windowsill to watch her. She was happy and everything was perfect, just as it should be. However, perfection is a godly state and so whenever the angels see perfection on earth, they rush down quickly and spoil it. So it was decided that the water would be too soapy, allowing Old Mother Mud's precious wedding ring to slip off her finger and go straight down the drain.

"Oh dear! Old Father Mud come quick and see what catastrophe has suddenly destroyed our lives!" she yelled as she quickly threw all the dishes out of the sink, smashing them against the wall or onto the floor. Old Father Mud was near the wood shed when he heard his wife shouting. He straight away threw his axe to the wind and ran as quickly as his boots would carry him, for he loved his wife a lot.

"My wedding ring, your precious gift has been lost. What shall we do? The one thing that holds all our love together! Lord, everything is ruined! How can we love each other?!" Old Mother Mud cried and wailed. She was tearing at the wallpaper behind the kitchen sink. "We must hurry before our love dies!"

"Don't worry dear, I'll find it!" Old Father Mud ran back to the shed and grabbed his axe. He set to work right away. There was no time to waste. He whacked at the kitchen sink. He hacked at the wall behind the sink, but the ring was not to be found.

"Oh dear, how can we live? How can we die in peace?!" Old Mother Mud could be heard as Old Father Mud worked away. He tore away at the pipes and bolts that were under the sink and in the end took all the piping apart, but the ring was not to be found.

"Oh there, you see, we are finished!" Old Mother Mud howled. Old Father Mud could see that his wife was dying! He started to panic. Like a wild animal, he threw everything out of the window without even bothering toit; there was no time to waste! Then straight away he set to work tearing apart the counter and wildly struck at the walls, trying to follow the pipes in the kitchen, but still the ring was not to be found.

"Oh, I've been thrown to the devil for his lunch!" moaned Old Mother Mud as she rolled about on the floor, spitting about.

Old Father Mud, however, remained calm. He was, remember the man of the house. Without even taking the time to wipe the sweat from his brow, he grabbed the ax and started chopping at the floor. He tore up every floorboard, gashing his hands. Once that was done he broke apart every pipe until he had managed to smash right through to the basement, destroying the whole kitchen floor. The ring, however, was still nowhere to be found.

"My God, why must we suffer so! What evil has fallen upon us! What torment must we endure from the angels that be!" wailed Old Mother Mud, as she swayed about pulling at her hair, already sopping wet with tears.

"Don't worry dear, I'll find it. Don't you worry one little bit, my dear!" Old Father Mud swore and gasped as he took a sledge hammer and rushed down to the basement. There he began hammering away at the basement walls, the very foundation of the house they had lived in their entire lives. But the ring was no where to be found.

"Oh! Oh! Oh! I--, I can't--breath!" screamed Old Mother Mud. She was indeed turning blue. They quickly ran outside and Old Father Mud began to dig up all of their gardens in order to find the piping that led to the sewer. Only three days earlier, had Old Mother Mud planted fresh roses. But this was not a time to show any clemency for anything. With the shovel and axe, Old Father Mud burrowed through the entire garden, ripping up every and any pipe he could find. Yet after they had smashed everything and completely destroyed the garden, the ring was still no where to be found.

"Oh God, Oh Mercy, is the end near?!" squealed Old Mother Mud. She was ready to faint and only just managed to follow old Father Mud on all fours. They followed the pipe lines to the drainage ditch, digging up their whole yard. Then as if it were all a dream, there they saw, between two rocks, their precious wedding ring. Old Father Mud, quietly picked it up and cleaned it off. Then as the sun was just starting to set he put it on her plump little finger. Old Mother Mud was abashed.

"Oh how I love you," she said.

"I love you too," he answered. Then, they heard a hissing sound and their house crashed to the ground in a puff of smoke.

"Where shall we sleep tonight?" he asked.

"What does it matter if we are in love again?"

"Yes, true, my dear. How wise you are." And the Old Muds lived happily ever after--somewhere.