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The Final Vote
By G. W. Thomas
The Rainbow Man looked out over the Conclave of the Demogogic Wizards and
Priests of Transvuul, three thousand bodies crammed into the long hall, the dust motes floating high above row upon row of tables. A loud banging noise rose from the pulpit at the center of the vast chamber.
"I call this Conclave to order," bellowed the Supremely Elected and
Holy-Appointed Chairperson (more commonly known as "The Holy Chair"). The assembly quieted quickly at the sight of the Blessed Democratic Scepter of St. August the Balloteer. After the adoption of the Sacred Agenda, the adoption of the Benign Scrutineers and the adoption of the Previous Divine Minutes, the Holy Chair cleared his throat and continued, "Let us proceed to business. We are gathered here in the Holy Assembly of Representation to conclude a resolution which we have debated for decades. But today, the last and final testimony will be given by our distinguished brother, the Rainbow Man."
Loud applause filled the dusty cavern. The Rainbow Man stood, approached the
pulpit. In a steady voice, he said, "Brothers and Sisters, Adepts and
Free-thinkers--I have been to the West, encountered many dangers, been gone
many months. I had left this Assembly on a duly appointed task--to seek the wisest person in the world, Harbumuth the Forty-Ninth, the seventh son of a seventh son back seven generations. I found him living by a remote mountain lake, and I asked him--that question you charged me to ask." The Rainbow Man paused dramatically. Not so much as a cough interrupted the speaker. "He said, 'No.'"
Like a dam bursting, voices rose. Wizards, philosophers, priests and adepts,
all spoke their surprise, their shock, their disagreement. Only the Blessed Scepter of St. August the Balloteer could silence such an out-rushing of emotion.
"Quiet, Brothers and Sisters," demanded the Holy Chair. "The last component of
our might debate has been presented. It is time to vote."
The Benign Scrutineers passed out the clay tablets. The three thousand
assembled said no more. Styli were picked up and applied to the damp clay. The ballots were placed on trays then taken to be counted. The assembly waited patiently in silence for an hour. The Holy-appointed Counter returned, stepped up to the pulpit and whispered to the Holy Chair.
"Brothers and Sisters. The verdict is in. Votes for: five hundred and
seventy-six. Votes against: two thousand, four hundred and twenty-four." The
Holy Chair paused, his throat constricted in anguish. "Brothers and Sisters--the Universe does not exist."
© 1999 G. W. Thomas. All Rights Reserved.
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