Mother's Love

By Nora M. Mulligan

"Mother," she said, looking down at the older woman who sat in the wheelchair. She ignored the other residents of the nursing home around them. "Mother, I know now. I understand."

The woman looked up and smiled at her. "Sonya, it's always so good to see you," she said.

"Why didn't you tell me what you were doing?" asked Sonya. She dropped into a chair beside the wheelchair, so that she and her mother could be on the same level. "All these years, and you never told me."

"I don't know what you're talking about," said the older woman. "How is your job going? Were you promoted, as you wanted to be?"

"I don't want to talk about my job. I want to talk to you about what you've done to make me successful."

"I didn't do anything. You've done it all. All the education, all the hard work--"

"No!" Sonya stood up again, unable to keep still. "You've been doing it all! When I was in high school and I said I needed help with the higher level math courses, because I couldn't figure any of it out, you said I shouldn't worry."

"You did fine," said her mother.

"Yes! Because you gave me your math ability! After that, you couldn't even balance your checkbook, remember?"

She shrugged. "When people get older, they start to slow down."

"You had a graduate degree in mathematics. You were a brilliant teacher. But after I started doing well in high school math, you lost all your abilities. Tell me it was a coincidence!"

"Darling, you're upset. Probably too much stress."

"No! No! I can't stand taking from you anymore! I never wanted to go to grad school for that MBA. I never had the ambition. But you did. You had more ambition than ten women! Until I needed it, and then--then suddenly I burned with the desire to prove myself and you--you gave up. That's when you started working at the supermarket."

"I wanted a lower stress job."

"I told you I was lonely but I thought I would never find anyone who would want to marry me, and then suddenly Bob turned into the most committed man I could ever imagine, and Dad suddenly lost interest in you and wandered off with that stupid woman across the street."

"Now surely you're not saying I'm responsible for your father's failings, are you?" asked her mother, smiling weakly.

"I'm saying you gave up your own desirability, to give it to me! At tremendous cost to you! But that wasn't all, either, was it?"

"Sonya, you really shouldn't get yourself worked up this way. It can't be good for you."

"And then," Sonya continued, ignoring the older woman, "when I needed that extra energy to do all the work I had to do in my first executive position, suddenly I had the energy I needed, and you could barely drag yourself out of bed in the morning!"

"I just wanted to see you succeed."

"Why?" Sonya dropped down on her knees in front of her mother's wheelchair, clutching her mother's frail hands. "Why did you do all this to yourself? Why? I'm not worth it, Mom! No success I've had in my life is worth what you've done to yourself, for me!"

"Oh," said her mother, stroking Sonya's hair, "you're wrong about that. Everything I did, everything I gave up, was worth it because of you, of what you've made of yourself."

"Mom, Mom, please, I'm begging you, take it back. I don't want my success on these terms! I don't want to see you grow more and more frail, more and more helpless, just so that I can grow stronger and richer and more famous!"

"What's holding you back now?" asked her mother. "Why didn't you get the promotion?"

"I'm not going to tell you! Aren't you listening to me? I don't want you to do more to yourself for me!"

Her mother looked down at her for a few seconds, and then nodded. "Ah, yes, I see. I understand, dear. You're almost there, aren't you? You just need a little more, just a tad more strength, but it's all right. You're going to get it, don't worry."

Sonya raised her head, horrified. "No, Mom! I told you, I don't want it! Don't - whatever you're going to do, don't do it!"

Her mother's head snapped backwards, and her eyes rolled in her head. Sonya, horrified, clutched at her mother's wrist. The pulse was barely discernible. Sonya screamed, and the personnel at the nursing home rushed toward them.

But before they arrived, her mother's eyesd for a second, and for the last time, Sonya saw the intelligence she always remembered in her mother. "Have a daughter," her mother breathed. "Do it for her."